I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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