Dignity is for republicans.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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