totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
