Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
