have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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