i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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