I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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