just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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