Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
