Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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