I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
