Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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