I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
