I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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