I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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