She said her name was "party"
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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