If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So many bounce houses so little time
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
