yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
