i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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