Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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