Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
