Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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