how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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