I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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