You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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