So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
