after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
