I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
