her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
