he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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