I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
