My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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