we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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