My balls are so social today.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
