I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
no, he came in my armpit
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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