i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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