The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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