someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
