My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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