come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
