Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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