Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
