i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize