I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
