New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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