I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
