Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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