grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
