I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
