I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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