So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
