I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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