all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
