couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
