Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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