i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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