I hate all girls vehemently.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
