if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
