And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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