she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
