There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
