I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sext me about skeletons
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
