I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
