When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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