I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
