I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
