she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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