The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
