i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
