i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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