My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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