that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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