I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
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We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
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His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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