in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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