Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
