You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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