I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
